july 7th-july 22nd.june 8th-july 5th. may 19th-june 7th. january 5th-may 14th.

july 22nd.1999.

i think i could tell you all of this and everything and anything i'd like to give you every moment of my life but would you take it or forcefeed it back to me i think you're a very sweet person indeed and this is all it takes for us to say hello wake up pretty baby your face is on my eyelids again can we come down once more again for another time i do believe your perfect and i do believe this is wonderful i'm forgetting and refinding redefining your heart is made of gold though you only let it be thought of as stone i think asking you again to answer this would be out of line are you ok lets dance because we're not running from ourselves from each other anymore i think more or less i'm fighting this again but really i'm not there's nothing left to fight i think you are perfect and i think you will be perfect in several years when we learn to be something more.

july 21st.1999.

we've been staring at this thought but never grasped an idea we've looked through all of our stars our images our feelings and come up straight for air for life and now its ok and i can forget and look forward to tomorrow another sharp turn on the corner's question look at me dear look at my face and tell me again how you feel my eyes seem so tired for this long drawn search can you see me ask me anything i'll tell you everything do you know it all there's a hole in all of this but we know where we're going and we're not looking up for inspiration please tell me what we've recreated is real and now its time for the ultimate test time is so inevitable give me another year i'll know where it is but lets say we forget again but can we really i believe i'm flying again i feel so real to know we've answered this to ourselves i'm not looking anymore only finding can i hold your hand or is it too much to ask there's only new things to have and a past to have HAD so lets keep going new memories we're not lying this time.

listen to our hero's next speech tell me whe he says another lost idea and i'm throwing all of this up all at the cost of a few more smiles but tell me are we saved have we repented for long enough this conversation has lasted all night long do we think we are perfect shed this skin calloused molt to new forms there's something there there's something left and i think this has gone on for not long enough i'm glad i can call you my friend.

july 20th.1999.

and so i can finally sleep with a smile...

july 16th.1999.

"i'd turn the whole world down for your cause to make this cold wind die."
to make us all seem so out of place is this lie really true to life question the questions and fuck the answers another hand folded for someone else but who is someone else i must always ask and i've always wanted to live and i've always wanted to love but what really is the point i've spent too much time letting you step all over my heart do you know do you care i see this everyday and i know you don't because you feed your lies to make me feel better yet you won't take the time to even talk go whine some more this all seems so dumb to even worry about your sick sick calling and ways really mean nothing but to bend over and push away the pieces when its all over this love is fake you're fake we all die for dumb causes and hey i'm nothing because thats all any of us are and i can sit here and i say i don't care all i want but i do we all do.

july 12th.1999.

there is plenty to do in all of our lifetimes faucets to sit around with friends a whole life to live yet every passing minute is wasted with regret with sorrow with wondering why we did what we did and i can tell you one day this will all be worked outbut you don't have much time left as a kid only as a fading memory which we will all have and we can sit back and watch young children play and ask ourselves why we've spent so much time on heart ache and if this is the last word i ever write then let it end with joy and let it end completed and not destroyed please tell me you love me you do love me right.

another few minutes until i walk away but those minutes drag into hours that drag into days to weeks to months to years to a lifetime of regret for every smart thing i've done.

july 7th.1999.

hey lets see there don't seem to be anymore stories to tell all of the endings are the same and the questions answered are countless though none at all i'd like to show you everything inside of here would that get my point out i'm not so sure though i don't really knowmuch as it is maybe thats why i'm always asking why things happen and i'm so excited about tomorrow because i'm going to pass out and forget all about you it seems today is one of those days i want to tell you to go away but i'd probably only end up missing you because fuck who else would i ramble on to for hours upon hours please tell me this isn't all i'm going to ever have because i think i'm losing sight of everything and this music has mellowed me out but its no substitute for holding your hand and yesterday i started thinking aagain about all of those times and i began to cry though i thought i was done with all of this with you but i don't like because like i said i'm going to love you forever and i'l be waiting here inside these walls until one day you kiss me again and make me realize what it is that i've always wanted but mayube i'm wrong and yes one day i'm sure this will all go away another time for denying everything thats left oh yes and no and there's really not an answer to any of this i think i'm losing it again but i'm gonna get out of here like i've done with all the ones before but is this like before i think it hurts more this time but maybe thats the misbelief one day this will all go away.