hey lookit girls really are the devil like i told you so long ago but hey maybe i'm just vulnerable to you and your mom and your sister and the likes of them all with big red horns on the very tops of their heads like i said the devil and like i'll say none of this will really ever go away i'm gonna fly tomorrow did i ever tell you i had wings no i guess not cuz i don't really but my window is pretty high up on the mountain so it can push me out and watch me fall while i scream hey i love you did you know these people really mean nothing yup you're still the devil with all of your control over my little brain i'll never be the same just an outline in blue with nothing left of you and is that what i really want another slow going passion that whispers sweet memories and fuck the memories i'll go on forever today lets think about whats gonna happen tomorrow and ten years from now i'm gonna live to be a hundred and two and maybe a few days but i'd like for you to be by my side as my friend and whatever more happens to come so lets live it one day at a time like everyone else should like some crazy fucking nihilist and yeah lets go for a walk and look at em all talk like they know us but they don't know us nobody knows us like us i'm not so fucking crazy anymore oh yeah.
its a long road to recovery but shit my friend i'm passing through quick as possible never forget me my dear we'll be friends in the end and tomorrow you'll say you're sorry and i'll just say hey thats ok cause i said i'd love you forever and we'll dream and say hey look at that kid he's da bomb i say and maybe we'll say i do to each other in another procession but why worry our little butts off when rockets are mystical and smiles bring miles hey i say look at the silly rhyme no time for hate or arguing we've got a war to win thats what will happen and why must i always run away thats what got me in this predicament anyfuckingwho yo momma is fat ho they say but we'll laugh and hug and say look at us we don't care we're good friends cuz life is too short to worry about losing love or any opf that sappy shit but hey i must say i'd lstill love to hold your hand and kiss you in my bed but that can all wait til the next lifetime cuz its all gone in here oh yeah i'll say woo hoo you'll say and tomorrow i'm gonna beat you up for the last time but never really meaning the last time hey look at you smile its worth a mile like i said hours before and i think my bud mr cummings said it best cuz life's not a paragraph and death i think is no parenthesis because i'm a little boy with little boy dreams to set this world on fire and i can't do that without people like you to push me on my way so hey whaddya say about a friendship today and lets base it on love cuz hey no one is friends anymore just rotten people who want something from someone and never willing to give it back and they all hate each other but oh boy lets not be that way.
fuck the color purple you know i hate it right and yes no maybe so because it will always remain as a memory to what i have no what i had because yes i had something no i have nothing so hey whaddya say don't like what the fuck am i talking about maybe its time to go to sleep but i no i've only got a few more words to conceive to you all tonight today is tomorrow is a dream all blended in purple with your face at the beginning to remind that i love you so fuck you must say my dear for its all in fear how you made me feel and yeah i felt safe with you thats why i let it all go but i should have know better than to trust one of you human types you always were the nutty ones so again i say go away words words words coming out at a thousand miles per hour you can go to hell i want you to know that so please please please just leave me alone you and your color purple fuck that color i'll just go hide inside my dreams.
woo happy fourth of jufuckingly woo woo fuck these people always asking me questions they've got no right to even look at me yet they disgust me with their faces swollen and the tying the hatch on tomorrow's yesterday which really is today right now these pains in my stomach make me breathe another sigh of relief and go away i say there's just not room for the both of us here and i don't understand my dreams like i'm bragging yet running there's a cut on my finger the sweat is burning and i'm loving every minute is another turn and churning we see him across the raod yelling again for us to tell another funny joke fuck your funny joke i think i'd rather cry and quite possibly die definitely could use a drink and shit i sure know what i'd like but you're never going to love me better stop my worrying yeah and so i'm a nut what gives who cares fuck off i say and hey there's nothing wrong with killing yourself just don't hurt yourself i mean we're all gonna die in the end anyways oh fuck it.
i can see it now in big bright lights and how it seems so unreal as i crash into a wall which says it will all bbe ok and maybe tomorrow when i'm awake we can sit down and have that conversation we should have had a long time agao where you would tell me you wouldn't ever let yourself fall in love with me and would let go of me before it happened and hey maybe we could have more fun but no never i never would have come so close to you and i would have held you a thousand miles away nope no way and i ask again the same question why and your answer is the same bullshit they taught us so long ago and that maybe there is a god and he'll lead us to whatever is meant to be byt why play with a little boy's heart why must i always be so vulnerable to the girls who want to kill me my dreams of love and happiness exceed what can ever actually happen so yes i'm lost again talking to myself but thats dumb because if i ask a question what good is it because if i want to know i must not have any prior idea but does that much sense and no it doesn't i guess thats why no one ever pays any attention to fuck them and everyone else who tries to figure this out.
words upon words into sentences upon sentences thats all this is onece it passes from my head in an excited rush to reappear as it will always appear or should because i'll never think about it in the same way and if i one day let you read this you'll ask questions i cannot answer or come up with your own ideas in your own head and i am a man who speaks one too many words upon ears that have heard it all before and these questions i've got exist in one form with one beginning unless of course i do not change sentences but what is a sentence really but a capital letter ended with a period and why do they always insist on complete sentences when i do not think complete thoughts or even with any punctuation and why should it really matter how we talk when its all just sounds and sounds and sounds and sound lets just run with passion and forget all of those shitty rules and please don't look at me like i'm crazy because one day someone will do to you what you've done to me and crush you with words that will never make much sense oh and i'm a believe in following your heart but not when what my heart says ius never going to be real it seems it always works out this way.
the memory passes through my mind i can remember these sounds as we sat hand in hand in hand in a car moving for hours yet only an hour was possible such moments i wished would never end but now its as if they never began and to think of how you held onto my arm as if there was some possibility that i would leave you but i found the situation so perfect that i wished to sit there with you forever but there doesn't seem to be such a thing as forever, yet in dreams but every dream will come to an end and i can remember looking at your eyes and not knowing that these past few days would ever happen i guess every perfection has its flaws and even in love i find myself falling down i should have know this would happen i'm not allowed to find happiness but is life really so bad i don't know how much time i have left another dream and i'd like to sleep forever fuck you.
everything comes crashing down with a few simple words. it seems thats all it takes. so i must tell you i don't know you anymore. i swallow my depression and walk downstairs again. holding back tears and hiding. yes always hiding. i think i am always covering up who i am and what i am though i don't know either anymore. i'm losing this war which i've fought so long. i found a new weapong but it only gives me a headache and goes away in the end. i don't think i've ever really been this low, though i can dream all i want. and thats what i wish this was. but i still remember what happened last night in the midst of a drunken stupor. but no more of that for me. because i'll only remember what happened as my heart burned and broke and fell out of my body an oh fuck here they come again and go away i say. the dark angels of tomorrow cross over to cut me off and remind me that i'm still here, though i swear i'm not. not what i say. not here not fuck i'm losing this battle to confusion don't let me do this anymore. and i still want to know why people do this to me.
this all sounds like noise to me now. it seems to lack in structure as it forces itself upon me. creating a new rythm. a new rhyme. piecing together every broken part of me. blistering through my ears knowing no limit and continuing its push against my insides reminding me that i'm still alive.
i saw her from a distance tonight still beautiful as always. she waved and said hello. all i could do was lift an open palm. too weak to breathe a single word. i could feel the thickness and tension in the air, even though i was standing half a parking lot away. i wished that maybe she'd come over and say hi. i wanted to touch her so badly. but all we did was exchange our empty greetings and walk our respective ways.